


Stubborn

by speakertone



Category: A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder - Lutvak/Freedman
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Sibella-centric, don't worry though there's a lot of romantic entanglement too, everything is implied, nothing graphic or explicitly stated, so feel free to draw your own conclusions, suggestive content, this is like.. mostly character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22363495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakertone/pseuds/speakertone
Summary: "Sibella Holland thinks about being loved, bites her lip, and cries"-There's a reason behind everything she does. Sibella Hallward has never been stupid.
Relationships: Phoebe D'Ysquith/Monty Navarro, Sibella Hallward/Lionel Holland, Sibella Hallward/Monty Navarro
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Stubborn

**Author's Note:**

> Was asked to post this to ao3, so I did! This is sort of a character study, trying to demystify all the convoluted choices Sibella makes. Thanks for reading!

Sibella Hallward, young and pretty, flirty and too good with men, grows up in a family that barely makes enough- an only child whose parents do their best to spoil her with what they have. She asks for a gown and they give her something they picked up at a market, it’s gaudy and the fabric isn’t too expensive, it’s got a garish pattern on the back and it has gauze, but it’s pretty, like her. It’ll do.

The Hallwards live in Clapham, near the Navarros, and she meets Monty young. They skate out on a frozen lake, they play in the autumn leaves, they picnic when summer comes around. She dates plenty of other boys (maybe that’s why they call her- oh, she’ll never say that word out loud…) and teases her Monty plenty, but he’s her first crush, her first kiss, her first love, her first... well, everything.  
(The other boys call her vain. They say she’s not worth it. They say she just wants them to show off. Are they wrong? Sibella Hallward decides she hates gossip.)

She wears plastic in her hair, she can’t afford diamonds, and she loves her Monty, but she simply can't marry him, not when they’re both penniless. What are the alternatives? God forbid she work as a servant. No, rather, she’ll work her way through society with a pretty man on her arm, just as pretty as she is. People all over will love her. She won’t have to worry about what other men think.

Of course, she meets the perfect man for her, a dandy, Lionel Holland. Shockingly handsome from a wealthy family, something she craves dearly. He takes her out to dinner in a motorcar (how forward!). He shows her off to his parents, she’s a pretty little thing on his arm, pink in the face and smiling, and if he holds her waist too tight over dinner she doesn’t say anything. It’s nothing new to her- boys have always been dreadfully crass. Surely it comes with being one. She laughs about it to herself.

Her Monty’s rich and powerful all of a sudden, sure, but she’s stubborn. Lionel’s already proposed. Sibella’s already said yes. What then? Call it off? Look wishy-washy and undecided, look like she’s marrying a D’Ysquith for the title? For the fame? Look more shallow than people already believe her to be?  
No.  
She’s made her choice. She’ll stick with it. She’ll be happy. Even if it comes at the expense of breaking his heart.

If he really does love her, he’ll see how she’s smiling and surely he’ll feel happy too.  
(Oh, if only he wasn’t so charming- maybe then it wouldn’t sting.)

…

Lionel turns on her terribly fast.

On their honeymoon, surrounded by rich food and beautiful sunsets, he doesn’t care to sightsee. He says loosely that she’s all he’s here for and grabs her while she watches the sun outside their window- she laughs and feebly asks for dinner first. He says she’ll have her dinner later.  
(He never gets around to it.)  
Sibella smiles. Surely this is what she wanted. And if she doesn’t smile, what then? Lionel gossips to his friends about the horrid, selfish, brute of a woman he married. What of her reputation then?  
No.  
She’s made her choice. She’ll stick with it. She’ll smile at him when he comes home late and pulls her from her dinner to have his way.  
(At least he’s the only one this time.)

Still, she seeks comfort in someone she knows will never talk, will never judge, will never mock or tease or call her all the names she hates to hear. She runs to her Monty and he welcomes her openly.  
He’s doing terribly well now, she observes, and he looks awfully confident. Awfully happy without her. (Perhaps she shouldn’t have told him to move on at all)  
But when he sees her, he gets a tad nervous- she knows the look in his flighty eyes- and he’s always willing to give her what she wants. To him it doesn’t matter that she spends hours in the mirror or teases with too wide a grin. To him that’s just who she is.

Lionel only gets worse. Her filling meals grow few and far between and he watches her diet like a hawk. She’s always hungry now- for food, of course, but affection too. People aren’t as fond of her as she had hoped. They call her pretty, but that’s all. She’s never a good wife, never a clever one. She's never kind or caring or anything good. She’s just the perfect thing to pair with his Chardonnay.  
She’s not allowed to wear pink anymore. He says it makes her look like a child.  
He buys her an awful lot of necklaces, collars, chokers and the like. Says he likes it when people know she’s his.  
Sibella doesn’t like being his.  
Still, she smiles. 

She starts to visits Monty more often.

With her Monty she can pretend to be strong and she can do more than just stand and smile and sit and stare, she can tease and have her fun too. She can pretend she still has power. She can act as though all of her life is in control- and she can mock her terrible husband. She’d never dare outside his walls. It seems that they’re still best friends, they still trust each other with everything. He makes her feel light, he makes her laugh. He has this warmth about him that always keeps her close.

One night he tells her he knows every inch of her and wants her anyway.  
He knows her, vain, cruel, cold and heartless. He wants her despite all of it.

Sibella Holland thinks about being loved, bites her lip, and cries.

…

When she finds out he’s engaged, she’s furious.  
What about trust? And love? Was she in the wrong? Does his fiance know? Does he love that Phoebe girl just as much as he loves her?  
(Will he regret it like she does?)

Sibella loves him.

She only wishes it hadn’t taken her so long to realize. She wishes she met Lionel later, much later. She wishes she hadn't been so naive. She wants dinner.  
She sits at the table and, when Monty spills a plate of her dessert and stops her from eating it altogether, she thinks about Lionel putting her sweets in the garbage. If she tears up, which she doesn't, as she scolds him, nobody says a word.  
(“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”)

Of course, when her Monty’s arrested and that Phoebe girl approaches her, she asks her to help save him at the cost of being labeled a suspect.  
(Perhaps she loves him after all.)

What of the papers? What will they say? "Society Lady, Sibella Holland, Accused of Murder- Read Her Confession Here!" What will Lionel think? What will his friends think? What will the world think? What will her name become? An insult? A threat? What of everything she's spent so long building up? What if it crashes down around her? What then? What’s next? Who could love her after all that?  
(She knows.)

No.

She chooses him. She should have always chosen him. It’s what she should have done from the very beginning.

She’s made her choice.

She’ll stick to it.

…

Sibella Holland, young and pretty, flirty and too good with men, is accused of murder.


End file.
